Keep Breathing

  

That's what i have to do.... keep breathing.

Today i feel like i got the shit kicked out of me. I have no fight today.

I keep on replaying yesterday over and over. Thinking of why it went wrong, and today i have to deal with the aftermath... my eyes hurt from rubbing them so much, my skin around my eyes is irritated and red, I've been ignoring and avoiding everyone so they wont see my face, not to mention the emotional aspect. I feel lost, I'm confused, disappointed,  I'm so hurt. All of this for love.

Is it worth it? To me it is. Is it worth it to him? Am i? I don't know..... . Or was this all just wasted love?

So i ask you.... What is it? Am i wrong to think that its unselfishness, that its sacrifice? Its not rocket science. Its not hard. You do what you need to do. If that person is enough, if they're worth it.... why not? You give everything for love. That's the cost. Of course they have to be worth it, but when they are wouldn't you do anything? All it is is selfless love. You know, in a way i feel let down, i thought he was smarter, i thought he knew what it all meant. Now, i don't know..... one thing that i remember is someone telling me that it takes a man to be a man.....   I'm at the end of my rope.... I have nothing else to do but fall from here...

I feel angry I'm even in this situation. Last night i just kept thinking it was a dream, and when i was dreaming it was just the same. Its a never ending situation.

Are You Listening? p4

just to give you your fair warning....most of this playlist is actually depressing... im down in the dumps and this is all i could listen to yesterday.

  1. Say Yes- Elliott Smith

 2. Skinny Love- Bon Iver

3. Fix You- Coldplay

4. Drive You Home- Garbage

5. Parachute- Ingrid Michaelson
6.Galaxies- Laura Veirs

7. Shelter- XX

  8. Breathe Me- Sia

  9. Sea of Love- Cat Power

10. Soldier- Ingrid Michaelson

11. Twilight- Elliott Smith
12. Thunder and Lightning- We Were Promised Jet Packs

These are for you

(in parentheses) p4

1. Its not right to make yourself feel better by putting others down. Its just a bitchy thing to do.

2.  You know how in all those TV shows where the girlfriend finds the other cheating and then she charges at the other chick and fights? I never understood that. Why her? Its not really her fault ... he's the one that should have had boundaries.... Go punch him!

3. Its always important to exercise..... especially after eating birthday cheesecake...

4. Always try to learn new things. Enrich yourself! You'll feel smarter and you'll have something to offer at the table with cool topics and info...

5. I think the best kind of sexy is when your boobies aren't popping out and i can't see up your skirt. Less is more.... Less. Is. More.

6. Never say someone has bad taste in music. They just don't share yours.

7. Please watch out for pedestrians. I KNOW you don't want to accidentally run someone over.

8. Speaking of accidents. I always wonder if you should have nice undergarments on, just in case that happens and they have to cut all your clothes off..... its just a thought...

9. Wear thumb rings! they're cool!

10. When you're making a purchase you should ask "do i vote for this?" Every day we are actually voting, not just around election time. You vote for the food you buy and how they make it. Organic? Fresh? Quality? Same with Cosmetics, Clothing, Cleaning Products, Utilities... EVERYTHING...If enough people vote for one thing, then whatever isn't working will have to change! If there is a demand for something then the businesses that actually want to make money will have to meet the consumer. We make change! think about that. ...

Heavy Knitting

1. Dorothy Perkins- $50 Charcoal Jumper Dress

2. UO- $18 Speckled Convertible Glove

3. Forever 21- $8.80 Knit Turban

4. Mod Cloth- $27.99 Pom Headband

5. Topshop- $49 Knitted Hareem Trouser

6. Miss Selfridge- $34.50 Hand Crochet Scarf

7. Uni Qlo- $24 Cable Knit Skirt

8.Topshop- $67 Knitted Speckled Cardigan

Photoshop by Matthew Shriver

Soft Metal

1. Dsquared- $325 Ribcage Cuff

2. Mod Cloth- $94.99 Zip Jacket

3. Juicy Couture- $198 Velvet Bow Clutch

4. Alexa Chung for Madewell- $48 Sketchbook Tee

5. Topshop- $28 Leaf Cuff

6. Anna Sui- $640  Silk Tulle Embellished Dress

7. Maje- $685 Leather Dress

8. Matiko- $178 Ankle Wrap Wedge

9. Topshop- $52.21 High Waisted Pant

10. Marc by Marc Jacobs- $32 Safety Pin Hair Clip

11. Delia's- $34.50 Lace Butterfly Tank

12. Karen Millen- $62.12 Silver Facet Ring

Photoshop by Matthew Shriver

Monday Mournings

So its Monday, fabulous.

For me its another week enduring 8 hour work days, spending time at the mall, and thinking about what to eat (which has lately been potato leek soup at wholefoods!).

but at least the upsides are hanging out with Matthew... who i literally cannot wait to see everyday, drinking my coffee/tea in the mornings, writing in this blog during my work time (sshhhh its a secret) and this week i get my avon pie molds!!!

I ordered some pie molds from avon because this lady sells some here at work and they're suppose to arrive either wed or thurs! and hopefully i have time to bake this weekend or next. but as soon as i do i will post up and add pics. :)

so here's the plan:
i have no clue how to bake a pie or make anything of it. I've looked into making homemade dough and since i don't have the proper equipment it'll be very difficult and being my first time I'm probably going to screw up a couple of times. I'm probably going to use Pillsbury dough for the beginning just to see how it works. I'll be looking up recipes for the filling and then bake bake bake!!!

Are You Listening? p3



1. Alias & Tarsier - Dr.C
2. The Helio Sequence- Converter
3. XX- Infinity
4.Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Skeletons
5.War Paint- Stars
6. Teddybears- Automatic Lover
7. Swimteam- Sun
8. Crystal Castles- Vanished
9. Maps- Back + Forth
10. Lali Puna- Clear Cut
11. Hooverphonic- Plus Profond
12. God Is An Astronaut- Suicide by Star
13. Laura Stevensons and the Cans- Source and the Sound

Birthday day... recap

well... my birthday was ok... i guess..

So i worked until 4 and then went home and met with matthew...
then pretty much stayed at home waiting to go to ramen.
And then somewhere during that time i just became sad. i have no clue what happened. i just felt like crying. so long story short, i felt like crap, and then matt ended up being mad and frustrated with me. ..
so then we ended up doing nothing...

then i went home. called to apologize for the millionth time. which i felt kind of frustrated him again, hung up and cried myself to sleep...

that was it...

today is my family party so its just going to be chill i guess... watch movies and what not....

Love,
O.

Its My Birthday!

♪♫ Happy Birthday to Me!!! ♪ ♫ ♪ ♪♫


Well today is my life anniversary.... so far.... nothing has happened EXCEPT im 23!


So basically this is how its going to go down.... work until lunch, go out for a birthday lunch with coworkers, go back to work, maybe go to laguna to pick up sisters, go out for RAMEN with my boyfriend and his dad... and go to sleep.


Then, have a family party tomorrow....


I hope this birthday goes pretty decently and without drama. Let me tell  you, i dont have the best of luck on birthdays....


14th: broke my arm at a charity event. falling of a chair. yes that is right.
18th: i was sexually harrassed at work. fantastic.
19th: went to a church retreat so i really had no birthday
20th: went to a church retreat + somehow formed a sty in my eye. I looked HORRIBLE! and my mom wanted to take pictures of me. really?! my eye was so swollen shut it was bruising. :(
21st: not so bad.... normal stuff. Oh wait. i went out to drink (not drunk) with this guy (creepy) who later told me he wuved.... yes.. wuved me.... a week later...
22nd: so far the bestest! got a super cool ring and some shampoos! spent it with my boyfriend having breakfast at mimi's cafe :) and my family at home :)


i'll probably post up pictures for those of you who care....

(in parentheses) p3

1. If you havent noticed.... i think that ladies that play any instrument are awesome! ... but if you dont, dont worry i'm still sure you're totally rad in a different way ♥


2. Be prepared to feel the pain when moving into any apartment thats more than 2 stories! I just recently moved to a 3... so i know...


3. If you're going to wear the same outfit in a week, make sure you're not seeing the same people.


4. Everyone should have a specialty food recipe they make. If you dont, learn one! May it be Cupcakes, Pasta, Rice Crispies! ANYTHING!


5.You know you can keep a secret when people dont have to ASK you to keep a secret. 


6. Dont be afraid to try something new. Its so vanilla..to be vanilla....

7. Always have something to look forward to. If not, then the whole week ends up sucking butt.

8. Dont drive and put on your make up at the same time. Its completely dangerous and stupid. You lazy bum! Do it some other time!

9. Mean people are MEAN! So dont be that person....

10. Do you ever have strange dreams where people are farting???? 

Let It Rain!!!

 

let these be your best friends....

1.Sanrio- $18 Chococat Thermos

2.Topshop- $16 Bow Beret

3.Umbrella - $40 Clear Mod Umbrella

4.Topshop- $24 Faux Fur Earmuffs

5.Forever 21- $9.80 Faux Fur Scarf

6.Forever 21- $4.80 Multi Color Gloves

7.Topshop- $12 Heart Button Gloves

8.Doc Martens- $130 Velvet Boots (waterproof)

9.Nine West- $68.95 Rain Boot

Photoshop by Matthew Shriver

Willow Smith - Whip My Hair

A feast for your eyes darlings! watch this soar to #1 and willow become a megastar! Totally love the hair, nails, fashion!!!!! 

I wish i was as cool as this 9 year old T.T

X O X O

1.UO- $10 Sweet Heart Sunglasses

2. Zales- $173 Love Double Finger Ring

3. Vintage Chanel - $440 Vintage Heart Earrings

4. UO- $12 Heart Measuring Cups

5. Wildfox- $112 I'm In Love Sweater

6. Rebel Yell- $129 Pull Over Sweater

7. Forever 21- $12.90 Panda Hug Tee

8. Wildfox- $77 Hugs & Kisses Tee

9 & 10 Forever 21 - .095¢ Bird & Heart Sock

Photoshop by Matthew Shriver

Moving...

this weekend was moving weekend. and let me tell you it was a pain! i dont think i have been this sore in a while. i am currently writting from my phone so i cant add photos or anything but ill make sure to post tomorrow... wish i could  post something awesome :( . anyways.... love untill tomorrow!

xoxo,
O

Are you Listening? (p2)

 1. Education- Alchoholic Faith Mission

2. Nunca a Esta Altura- Klaus & Kinski

3. Big Kick- Uninhabitable Mansions

4. I Woke Up In A Dream- Snake Flower 2

5. Volts- Screaming Lights

6. Love Is A Place- Metric

7. Summertime In Heaven- Ghost Animal

8.Call Me- Blondie

9. Elephants-Warpaint

10.Up In Armor- Speak Easy

11. Bitch- Plastiscines

 12.Thinking Of You- Test Your Reflexes

(in parentheses) p.2

1. Don't Hold it in. Just don't...I'm just saying in general. Don't hold pee in. Don't hold anger. Don't hold sadness. Its just not good for you...


2. If you're happy... I'm happy


3.If you happen to have rhinocerous toenails, and are thinking of wearing open toe shoes... dont! Please paint or groom them. Not just for my sake, but you'll feel much prettier. trust me.


4. Even though i'm a little pudgy doesnt mean i can't outrun you. Unless, you're a running freak like my sister and runs 8 miles daily...


5. Have you ever watched "I Survived...." ? If you havent.... i wouldnt! Its a super scary show that leaves you totally paranoid.


6. Sometimes its nice to splurge. YOU DESERVE IT! Spend that hard earned cash on something you loooove. I'm not saying always... but every once in a while...


7. If you need help dont be afraid to ask for it :)


8. Everyone should know how to change a tire... then you're not stuck and at the mercy of a total creep-o

9. Stop saying you're sorry... i know... i say it way too much! and just about for everything! so i'm trying this new thing were i say " i'm not sorry " . slowly but surely


10. Instead of supporting Starbucks... lets go to a local independent coffee shops. It saddens me that we dont have any more ma and pa stores, so let's support!!!

Animal Instincts

1.Lucky Brand -$35 Koi Ring

2. Betsey Johnson $40 Giraffe Pendant

3.Origami Jewelry- $130US Origami Pegasus Pendant

4. Betsey Johnson-$25 Frog Stud Earrings

5. Mars and Valentine-$ 238 Honey Bee Ring

6. Marc by Marc Jacobs- $35 Cat Ring

7.Calourette UO -$100 Horse Ring

Photoshop work by : Matthew Shriver

The death of my ipod D:

Oh ipod.... how i loved you. I had seen all the warning signs coming, but i had hope that my most beloved item would make it through. 5 years of beautiful music, of wonderful memories, and of breakdowns and gymming ... and now its gone. Sure i can get another one, but its not the same. Man, i took my ipod everywhere. It kept the crazies on the bus from talking to me, help me survive hours of boredom... oh ipod... I remember once i thought that i lost it at a mall and i was frantically searching for it. I almost started crying when i felt it in the pocket of my sweater. That is how much i loved it! Just a week ago i started to see it lag. I was doing some music cleaning when i noticed it kept getting stuck. It would confuse next for volume. It showed the info of a song that wasnt on.... it was going crazy. So, finally today it went absolutely mad. The last song it played... Bad Romance... REALLY?!?!?  well hopefully i can figure out how to extract all my music from it, and make enough money to buy a new one.... 

oh i pod....  :(

Santa Monica 3rd St. Promenade

On Saturday my boyfriend and i went to the Santa Monica promenade. I hadn't been there in such a long time but it was nice to take a trip there. The bike pictured above was one of the awesome things we saw there along with street performers and uber cute pets!!!


But the moment i still cant get out of my mind was going to the Hillstone restaurant.


AMAZING!


It was completely expensive, but totally worth it! The dishes there range around 16- 20 dollars, and the more expensive around 30.  I really regret not taking a picture of my salad but i felt it was inappropriate to start taking pictures of my food lol. The atmosphere was intimate and dark. The whole place was really dim and mostly illuminated by candlelight. ((side note: did you know restaurants like to keep it dim so your pupils can be more dilated ( from trying to take in light ), which is a characteristic that we find subconsciously attractive?!)) The service was phenomenal! The servers are so attentive, i never once asked for a new drink. it was just brought to me. They come and pick up any sugar packet trash and wipe down the tables for water from the condensation. And the FOOD! THE FOOD!


I had a grilled chicken salad and my boyfriend had a California burger. at first we were kinda iffy about paying such a high price on something so normal. but when our food arrived..... it all changed. First of all the plate looked beautiful. His fries were thin and crispy and were garnished in a way that looked artful, and his meat was cooked just how he liked it : a true medium rare. My salad was one of the best i have ever had. the greens were fresh, the chicken was sliced thinly and was tender and juicy, and the honey- lemon vinaigrette along with a peanut sauce was light and tangy. Also in the salad there were thin tortilla strips, corn, thin jicama and carrot sticks. If i were to rate it... definitely 5 stars!

Well that was my weekend. ... I'll write soon again...

SWAP PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is a great idea that i found, and i think that EVERYBODY should do something like this! We should start having more swap parties! Let me explain... a swap party is where you can swap your old clothes for much desired friends clothes. If you need to get rid of some old clothes and freshen your wardrobe with new pieces without spending money...  i think its a perfect idea.

♥ send invites.... let people know in advanced. Plan it ahead and get the idea going. Sometimes people can have trouble parting from items so it might be hard for them to choose quickly what they would like to swap. Make it an official party. Send through Facebook, Email for save-the-dates, and make formal paper invites to actually hand out! so chic!

♥ what to mention in invites::: time, location, date, and details. Make sure to point out not to bring damaged goods. No Rips, Holes, Threading, Stains. I'm sure if you are going to put out a perfectly good piece of merchandise you would want to trade for something of equal care!

♥ when inviting guests... Take your friends into consideration. Make sure that you have enough people to swap sizes and styles. ALSO! Bring accessories! That way ... there is something for everyone!

♥ organization... this is up to you, but make sure that you have plenty of space and lots of mirrors. Try not to make it too crowded. Have plenty of walking room and space so everyone can shop comfortably.Use anything you can : Tables, Hooks, Clothing racks, ect...

♥ Food & Drink. Prepare light bite sized food. If guests want to bring anything encourage drinks and small snacks. Wine, Teas, Cookies, Cheese & Crackers. That way they don't have a boatload to carry.

rules:::

Do swap like a regular store

Please return items to where you found them

Don't try on more than 3-4 items at a time (others may want to try on too!)

One will only swap as many items as one brought

Keep comments to yourself (Respect clothing and clothing styles. This is amongst people you know)

Do encourage and applaud when swaps are made

Most importantly...  have fun!!!!!!!!

Are You Listening?

1.When I'm With You- Best Coast

 2.Home- Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

 3.Simple Man- Girl in a Coma

4.Frightening Lives- Kevin Drew

5.Little Deschutes-Laura Veirs

6.Second Brain- Kaki King

7.I'm Your Puppet-Gregory & The Hawk

8.Heartbeats- Jose Gonzales

9.Gila- Beach House

10.Say It To Me Now- Glen Hansard

11.Bottle Up And Explode-Elliott Smith

(in parentheses)

1. If you see someone standing by the pedestrian push button why do you have to go and push it too? Happens to me ALL the time, and i wonder.... do you not trust that i pushed the button?

2. Love is the best thing in the world. I'm not talking about loving a person in particular, but more of loving anything! To have such passion for something is amazing!

3. Please don't say that you're fat.... because you make me feel fatter.

4. Its ok to be open and cry on somebody. Its one of the greatest feelings ever.... of course it helps to know and love the person associated (makes it less awkward) but when you find someone you are completely comfortable with its soothing. I didnt experience this until recently and let me tell you it was life changing.

5. You know when people say " It can always be worse"?  Well.... it can. Even though you may not think so, it can. So lets just get through it one problem at a time.

6. If i could have any superpower it would have to be teleportation. I mean how awesome would that be?  What would yours be?

7. I love commercials.... except those who get extremely loud all of the sudden.

8. Be who you want to be! Even if you want to shave half your head! DO IT!

9. Drive safetly on the road. Especially in the rain!!! For some reason as soon as it rains, people become lousy drivers.

10. If you can bake awesome cupcakes....... you are already my friend :)

Starting Out

i'm just a 23 year old making sense of the world. this will be my blog of life, fashion, music, and sweets. the only things i really love. as for the blog, just so you know...i dont capitalize. i know its proper but sometimes when im on a typing role and i'm not making any mistakes, i forget to hit the shift button lol. so i appologize if this irks you. also i do (....) alot.... alot!. i dont know why, i think its because its how i want it to sound... kinda like i'm trailing off, like if im starting to think of something new. i'm just letting you know so i dont sound crazier than what i am.


i have a couple of things that i plan on sharing with you so those post are coming up! :) and if someone is reading this.... and you actually want to ask me a question, then totally feel free to email me and ask! its great to hear things from other people!


a little about me : other than whats already on my about me... :: i am sharing so you know a little more into my personal life and get kinda a feeling for who i am...  and i will do so in bullet form lol
♥ i constantly live with anxiety, but i am currently trying to better myself
♥ i am not afraid of change, or to change myself
♥ love love love music, i also play a little but my life has been on a roller coaster ride so i dont play enough anymore... but i'm getting to it!
♥i am very honest and i am very scared. i always feel very vulnerable.