Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Its unsettling how fast life moves at. Yesterday was a real eye opener. i started out getting up at 5:10 in the morning (but i don't leave the bed till 5:30) getting decently dressed and putting all my crap together so i could go to work. It wasn't until i was on the train that everything hit me. It was such a surreal moment. I was drinking the leftover milk from my oatmeal listening to The Shivers on a cold cloudy day. It seemed like this was a scene planned from a movie. I was thinking of how wonderful my new husband is for waking up with me that early and driving me to the train station, and how everyday i get out say i love you and hop on the train to do my 9 to 5 job (its really 7 to 4). I'm looking around and all i see are the same daily strangers, all on their daily commute. I start thinking and i soon find my mind on one thing... The Past. How fast have 6 years gone by? How could i still be working at the one place i hate for 5 years? Where has most of my life gone? all these questions circled around and the more i thought, the more i felt like a failure. I was thinking of all my lost friends or even people that were friendly acquaintances. How i wished for another less psycho version of my one use to be best friend. How i just finished a semester in college and i still had nothing to show for.
This all went on during the hour train ride. I was grateful for my husband which is also my best friend. I felt wonderful on knowing i have a new life now, but amongst all those thoughts i still had the past lingering around.
Does this happen to anyone?
I'm glad i had that moment. Now, i will make up lists. New goals and wishes that i will try my hardest to make happen and fulfill. I'm determined to stop slacking off at school and finish by the end of next year. I plan on having a better job where i might be more broke but at least i'll love. I especially want to find a girl that i can actually be friends with and they'll actually want to be my friend where i wont be a side person or plan h.
I don't know... I'm just blabbering on here. I don't know if anyone is still reading this or gives a crap for that fact... but its ok. I just wanted to write something and since i haven't got a collage for you today i thought maybe some of my feelings could substitute for a day.