Happy New Year!

I hope that everyone enjoyed their holidays ♥ I hope that this year brings you so much more than last year. :) Its exciting to start a new year... you don't know what is going to happen. Well in my case it always raises my anxiety levels but I have to take it one day at a time. ;) So many good things happened last year that I hope this year can sort of top it. Last year I got engaged, married, found a wonderful second job and met new people that have become great friends.... Also some low points happened but what is life without something to make you cry?

This year I want to find a better job in general (so I don't have to be as exhausted all the time), I'm mostly giving up meat except for fish once a week (because if I don't have sushi I'm pretty sure I'll be miserable and die), and I'm dedicated in drinking a crapload of water everyday (because i can hear my body begging for healthy crap). I'm most excited about blogging. I was so disappointed that I didn't blog once during December, but granted December is the most hectic month of the year.

 Anyway.... glad to be back... and I hope we all have a great year ahead.

XOXO

Things I'm Thankful For...

I am thankful for...

1. Not having my fingers cut off at work.
2. Having anxiety which therefore makes me paranoid which makes me prepared.
3. Never having any serious head trauma.
4. Not being ran over.... (yet).
5. Being exhausted from two jobs.
6. Having medical insurance.
7. Having awesome music.
8. My husband that allows me to shop.
9. My hamster that doesnt bite me.
10. Not being homeless :( (I always feel really sad when I see someone homeless)
11. Some awesome fuzzy socks my mom gave me that keep my feet warm.
12. Birth Control. (no babies for me right now)
13. My family cat that hasnt eaten my hamster.
14. Blogging my feelings and clothes I can never buy.
15. The prepared section at my grocery store when I forget to pack lunch.
16. Working at the mall so I can spend more monies.
17. Having fat on my body so I wont starve during a disaster.
18. Not having a car so that I can walk more and burn calories.
19. Food Network because it helped me learn how to cook this year.
20. Potatoes.


In all seriousness though.... I am really thankful for having a loving husband that supports me in whatever I do, whenever I have breakdowns, and is there when I need him to do jillian michaels with me (and helps me with my blog :P). I have a wonderful family with great personalities. My loving parents which supported me in moving back home and offered their home to me and my husband because I was becoming an emotional wreck and needed help. I am thankful for two jobs that even though they wear me out, I have met wonderful people and new friends. I am thankful that I'm not completely poor, and most importantly I am thankful to be alive. ♥

                                                     Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!

So You Can Feel Better

Here are some facts about me that can make you feel better about all the weird things about you.

1. Super pregnant ladies scare me. I just feel like they're going to rip open :(. Its only when they have super really protruding bellies like they're carrying a bunch of babies inside that freak me out. Like when Kate Gosseling was pregnant >:(

2. I can't sleep alone. Because when i do i start thinking of scary things and ultimately end up sleeping with the light on. Laugh if you must but really sometimes i just cant do it.

3. When i pray at night i start thinking of death and then go into super freaking out mode.... So i dont pray at night just during the day. I dont know why but whenever i do try to pray at night i just think of dying and disasters and having my loved ones lost and then by the time that i'm done i cant fall asleep.

4. I feel like nobody really likes me. Except for Matt and my family. Maybe its just me as an inconscious fear, but thats how i really feel.

5. Im funniest when im really mean and sarcastic. Which makes me feel mean. Which im not.

6. I get freaked out when i take a shower. I start thinking that maybe an earthquake will happen or something bad like i will faint or have a panic attack and then no one will find me. When this happens i usually just start singing to take my mind off of it.

7. I cant eat yams, sweet potatoes, or pumpkin pie.

8. A part of my finger will never grow back :(.

9. I love to tell people that I love them

10. I always have some wierd alternative scenario playing in my hear. I feel like sometimes I want to imagine the possiblitly of other actions but I cant actually do them. Either that or I imagine some really scary life/death/survival scenario (thanks to having anxiety).

11. when i was in second grade i seriously thought i was going to die from a nosebleed.

12. I went in for a perm. and came out with a fro. :(

Train Ride

Its unsettling how fast life moves at. Yesterday was a real eye opener. i started out getting up at 5:10 in the morning (but i don't leave the bed till 5:30) getting decently dressed and putting all my crap together so i could go to work. It wasn't until i was on the train that everything hit me. It was such a surreal moment. I was drinking the leftover milk from my oatmeal listening to The Shivers on a cold cloudy day. It seemed like this was a scene planned from a movie. I was thinking of how wonderful my new husband is for waking up with me that early and driving me to the train station, and how everyday i get out say i love you and hop on the train to do my 9 to 5 job (its really 7 to 4). I'm looking around and all i see are the same daily strangers, all on their daily commute. I start thinking and i soon find my mind on one thing... The Past. How fast have 6 years gone by? How could i still be working at the one place i hate for 5 years? Where has most of my life gone? all these questions circled around and the more i thought, the more i  felt like a failure. I was thinking of all my lost friends or even people that were friendly acquaintances. How i wished for another less psycho version of my one use to be best friend. How i just finished a semester in college and i still had nothing to show for.

This all went on during the hour train ride. I was grateful for my husband which is also my best friend. I felt wonderful on knowing i have a new life now, but amongst all those thoughts i still had the past lingering around.

 Does this happen to anyone?

I'm glad i had that moment. Now, i will make up lists. New goals and wishes that i will try my hardest to make happen and fulfill. I'm determined to stop slacking off at school and finish by the end of next year. I plan on having a better job where i might be more broke but at least i'll love. I especially want to find a girl that i can actually be friends with and they'll actually want to be my friend where i wont be a side person or plan h.
I don't know... I'm just blabbering on here. I don't know if anyone is still reading this or gives a crap for that fact... but its ok. I just wanted to write something and since i haven't got a collage for you today i thought maybe some of my feelings could substitute for a day.

XoXo

♥ Marriage ♥

Well on Saturday Matthew and I were married! It was wonderful. We had a private ceremony at Zuma Beach and then traveled the PCH to the Santa Monica Pier and rode all the rides! We had a lot of fun :) Although, It was an interesting experience to have everybody stare at you continuously LOL.


Here are a couple of pictures of us on the ferris wheel. I'll post more soon :)


XOXO,
O.

And The News IS...

I thought that maybe i should share this....

Well on new years my boyfriend and i decided to spend the new year together....

AND....

HE PROPOSED!

It was so sweet :). I'm so happy!

So,  now my mind is a mess. I'm thinking of work, thinking of the new year and all the things i would like to improve on, thinking of new posts and things i need to do for my blog... and now.... think of wedding things.

I'm basically going crazy...

I'll be posting things up that i think are nice or just things i find and maybe you'll join me in the process :)



Bunnies Bunnies Bunnies

Meet mine and my boyfriends new bunnies! We bought them on friday and they are absolutely adorable! We Havent named them yet but we'll do it soon! i'll take more pictures and put them up :)!

♥♥♥♥This one is his ♥♥♥♥

♥♥♥♥This one is mine ♥♥♥♥

Both of them are netherland dwarf bunnies. They'll grow up to be 2 1/2 pounds up to 3. Right now we dont know their gender because they're still babies (they're about a month old).

Obsession On :: Food

I have many things that i love.... but some i totally love more than others....

Here's a short list.... for now...

♥ Horchata ♥
(vallarta makes the best)

♥ Cupcakes ♥ 
(Crumbs in Glendale)

♥ Potato Leek Soup ♥
(Whole Foods)

♥ El Coyote Restaurant ♥

( In Hollywood)

whats so wrong about no make up?

i really wish i wasn't at work.

So, I'm doing my morning ritual, which consists of drinking coffee,checking email, reading up on news, and of course checking what i missed on blogs. I decided to check out on imboycrazy and i kinda got peeved. Her post this morning really aggravated me that i needed to write about it. Now, i understand her blog format. If you haven't visited her site its a pep talk in a form of a blog in a form of a slap in the face, enough said. I totally get that she's going to be obnoxiously straight forward and she is funny sometimes but this posting is about girls who don't wear make up.... her post Secret Face (go ahead read) didn't make me laugh or feel grateful for her advice. Its about how us girls should always wear make up. That 1.We don't look good and should never be without our face 2. People aren't used to it. 3. Guys who want natural girls really mean want a girl with a nice face because they don't know what a natural girl looks like.

You know, if thats the case then its pretty sad. Guys need to get used to the idea of girls not wearing make up. Its not like we're going to go to sleep with it on, swim/bathe with it, or exercise with it. Puh-leez! Like thats going to happen! (although i do know people who do that and its pretty sad because then they only rely on it to look/feel good about themselves because they cant live without it! ) Same with society. I feel really bad when i see tabloids that read "STARS WITHOUT MAKE UP" its like, havent you seen a normal human being without make up? Sometimes ,yeah,  they dont look that great, but we're so accustomed to them wearing tons of heavy make up that we dont even know what they look like!

I think all of this is bullshit. I think that if a girl doesn't want to wear make up then its fine. and there shouldn't be such a big deal from society... I don't wear make up most of the time. sure I'll put on a little bit of mascara but thats about it. unless I'm going out out then i wear foundation or something. Not because i feel yucky and am going to show my face in public, but because i want to.  I don't think its necessary to have it on at all time. if you want to wear make up and feel confident about yourself then why not? Who cares?! besides if you don't then you're doing yourself a favor! you'll look better when you're older, your skin will be healthier, and happier!  If you feel uncomfortable because you have something you want to touch up and it would make you feel better, thats ok too. We are human, we have imperfections, just because we're girls doesn't mean we have to look perfect. If you have killer looks good for you! but some of us aren't like that!. This isn't about women's movement or whatever. Its about bashing girls telling them that its not ok to do that. that they need it. besides this just feeds into what you have to be to be attractive, and that if you don't comply, then you're not ...why make someone feel bad when they don't need to feel that way. if that is what they choose fine, but no need to make everyone feel bad...  I don't know.... what do you think? anyone?

Keep Breathing

  

That's what i have to do.... keep breathing.

Today i feel like i got the shit kicked out of me. I have no fight today.

I keep on replaying yesterday over and over. Thinking of why it went wrong, and today i have to deal with the aftermath... my eyes hurt from rubbing them so much, my skin around my eyes is irritated and red, I've been ignoring and avoiding everyone so they wont see my face, not to mention the emotional aspect. I feel lost, I'm confused, disappointed,  I'm so hurt. All of this for love.

Is it worth it? To me it is. Is it worth it to him? Am i? I don't know..... . Or was this all just wasted love?

So i ask you.... What is it? Am i wrong to think that its unselfishness, that its sacrifice? Its not rocket science. Its not hard. You do what you need to do. If that person is enough, if they're worth it.... why not? You give everything for love. That's the cost. Of course they have to be worth it, but when they are wouldn't you do anything? All it is is selfless love. You know, in a way i feel let down, i thought he was smarter, i thought he knew what it all meant. Now, i don't know..... one thing that i remember is someone telling me that it takes a man to be a man.....   I'm at the end of my rope.... I have nothing else to do but fall from here...

I feel angry I'm even in this situation. Last night i just kept thinking it was a dream, and when i was dreaming it was just the same. Its a never ending situation.

Monday Mournings

So its Monday, fabulous.

For me its another week enduring 8 hour work days, spending time at the mall, and thinking about what to eat (which has lately been potato leek soup at wholefoods!).

but at least the upsides are hanging out with Matthew... who i literally cannot wait to see everyday, drinking my coffee/tea in the mornings, writing in this blog during my work time (sshhhh its a secret) and this week i get my avon pie molds!!!

I ordered some pie molds from avon because this lady sells some here at work and they're suppose to arrive either wed or thurs! and hopefully i have time to bake this weekend or next. but as soon as i do i will post up and add pics. :)

so here's the plan:
i have no clue how to bake a pie or make anything of it. I've looked into making homemade dough and since i don't have the proper equipment it'll be very difficult and being my first time I'm probably going to screw up a couple of times. I'm probably going to use Pillsbury dough for the beginning just to see how it works. I'll be looking up recipes for the filling and then bake bake bake!!!

Birthday day... recap

well... my birthday was ok... i guess..

So i worked until 4 and then went home and met with matthew...
then pretty much stayed at home waiting to go to ramen.
And then somewhere during that time i just became sad. i have no clue what happened. i just felt like crying. so long story short, i felt like crap, and then matt ended up being mad and frustrated with me. ..
so then we ended up doing nothing...

then i went home. called to apologize for the millionth time. which i felt kind of frustrated him again, hung up and cried myself to sleep...

that was it...

today is my family party so its just going to be chill i guess... watch movies and what not....

Love,
O.

Its My Birthday!

♪♫ Happy Birthday to Me!!! ♪ ♫ ♪ ♪♫


Well today is my life anniversary.... so far.... nothing has happened EXCEPT im 23!


So basically this is how its going to go down.... work until lunch, go out for a birthday lunch with coworkers, go back to work, maybe go to laguna to pick up sisters, go out for RAMEN with my boyfriend and his dad... and go to sleep.


Then, have a family party tomorrow....


I hope this birthday goes pretty decently and without drama. Let me tell  you, i dont have the best of luck on birthdays....


14th: broke my arm at a charity event. falling of a chair. yes that is right.
18th: i was sexually harrassed at work. fantastic.
19th: went to a church retreat so i really had no birthday
20th: went to a church retreat + somehow formed a sty in my eye. I looked HORRIBLE! and my mom wanted to take pictures of me. really?! my eye was so swollen shut it was bruising. :(
21st: not so bad.... normal stuff. Oh wait. i went out to drink (not drunk) with this guy (creepy) who later told me he wuved.... yes.. wuved me.... a week later...
22nd: so far the bestest! got a super cool ring and some shampoos! spent it with my boyfriend having breakfast at mimi's cafe :) and my family at home :)


i'll probably post up pictures for those of you who care....

Moving...

this weekend was moving weekend. and let me tell you it was a pain! i dont think i have been this sore in a while. i am currently writting from my phone so i cant add photos or anything but ill make sure to post tomorrow... wish i could  post something awesome :( . anyways.... love untill tomorrow!

xoxo,
O

The death of my ipod D:

Oh ipod.... how i loved you. I had seen all the warning signs coming, but i had hope that my most beloved item would make it through. 5 years of beautiful music, of wonderful memories, and of breakdowns and gymming ... and now its gone. Sure i can get another one, but its not the same. Man, i took my ipod everywhere. It kept the crazies on the bus from talking to me, help me survive hours of boredom... oh ipod... I remember once i thought that i lost it at a mall and i was frantically searching for it. I almost started crying when i felt it in the pocket of my sweater. That is how much i loved it! Just a week ago i started to see it lag. I was doing some music cleaning when i noticed it kept getting stuck. It would confuse next for volume. It showed the info of a song that wasnt on.... it was going crazy. So, finally today it went absolutely mad. The last song it played... Bad Romance... REALLY?!?!?  well hopefully i can figure out how to extract all my music from it, and make enough money to buy a new one.... 

oh i pod....  :(

Santa Monica 3rd St. Promenade

On Saturday my boyfriend and i went to the Santa Monica promenade. I hadn't been there in such a long time but it was nice to take a trip there. The bike pictured above was one of the awesome things we saw there along with street performers and uber cute pets!!!


But the moment i still cant get out of my mind was going to the Hillstone restaurant.


AMAZING!


It was completely expensive, but totally worth it! The dishes there range around 16- 20 dollars, and the more expensive around 30.  I really regret not taking a picture of my salad but i felt it was inappropriate to start taking pictures of my food lol. The atmosphere was intimate and dark. The whole place was really dim and mostly illuminated by candlelight. ((side note: did you know restaurants like to keep it dim so your pupils can be more dilated ( from trying to take in light ), which is a characteristic that we find subconsciously attractive?!)) The service was phenomenal! The servers are so attentive, i never once asked for a new drink. it was just brought to me. They come and pick up any sugar packet trash and wipe down the tables for water from the condensation. And the FOOD! THE FOOD!


I had a grilled chicken salad and my boyfriend had a California burger. at first we were kinda iffy about paying such a high price on something so normal. but when our food arrived..... it all changed. First of all the plate looked beautiful. His fries were thin and crispy and were garnished in a way that looked artful, and his meat was cooked just how he liked it : a true medium rare. My salad was one of the best i have ever had. the greens were fresh, the chicken was sliced thinly and was tender and juicy, and the honey- lemon vinaigrette along with a peanut sauce was light and tangy. Also in the salad there were thin tortilla strips, corn, thin jicama and carrot sticks. If i were to rate it... definitely 5 stars!

Well that was my weekend. ... I'll write soon again...

Starting Out

i'm just a 23 year old making sense of the world. this will be my blog of life, fashion, music, and sweets. the only things i really love. as for the blog, just so you know...i dont capitalize. i know its proper but sometimes when im on a typing role and i'm not making any mistakes, i forget to hit the shift button lol. so i appologize if this irks you. also i do (....) alot.... alot!. i dont know why, i think its because its how i want it to sound... kinda like i'm trailing off, like if im starting to think of something new. i'm just letting you know so i dont sound crazier than what i am.


i have a couple of things that i plan on sharing with you so those post are coming up! :) and if someone is reading this.... and you actually want to ask me a question, then totally feel free to email me and ask! its great to hear things from other people!


a little about me : other than whats already on my about me... :: i am sharing so you know a little more into my personal life and get kinda a feeling for who i am...  and i will do so in bullet form lol
♥ i constantly live with anxiety, but i am currently trying to better myself
♥ i am not afraid of change, or to change myself
♥ love love love music, i also play a little but my life has been on a roller coaster ride so i dont play enough anymore... but i'm getting to it!
♥i am very honest and i am very scared. i always feel very vulnerable.